shadowbird: kawaiinot (whirlwind)
I don't have to be miserable. I don't have to stay in a place that I don't love. I owe it to myself to tidy up loose ends and make sure I land on my feet as much as possible, but I don't have to stick it out.

Blessed Yule.
shadowbird: (mixed up)
I don't know much, but I know these things:
I want to be a dad.
I want to homeschool my kids.
I can write better than I do, and more.
Having a life is like having a cardboard box. It's what you put in it that matters.
Inspiration is taking a bunch of stuff out of the freezer, throwing it in the stock pot, adding water and spices and lighting a fire underneath.
I want to build my life with my hands, something I can be proud of.
I am a fighter, a dreamer, a warrior, a realist, a lover.
Sometimes I don't know where to find you, and so I look for something to guide me home.

shadowbird: kawaiinot (whirlwind)
My mom's cat died today. He was six and a half. She thinks he got into some antifreeze or something. She found him lying outside, limp but warm. . .and he threw up on the way to the vet, and then he just was gone. He was my big, gray, long-haired, polydactyl monsterkitten. When he was a baby, his coat didn't really shine yet because he was so fluffy, and he would hide under the bed and he looked like a giant dust bunny. When he got older, he used to climb down the side of our house, which was sided with rough wood shingles. He'd jump off the second-story porch and go down, and you could hear him thinking "Spider-Cat! I am Spider-Cat!"
I loved him very much. Not feeling eloquent about it, but. . .I loved him.
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shadowbird: (poor bunny)
--Whoever stole my tiny black notebook from my carrell--I hate you. 100% HATE.
--Where the fuck is my passport?
--Why in hell does FacMan use these cheap-ass shades that break?

Want to curl up in a corner and cry.
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shadowbird: (mhc tuition)
Sorry for co-opting a rugby song, but it fits the tone.
I am a bad student and nothing makes me wanna be a good one right now.
Sometimes I wish I were a praise whore. It might help.

History by itself is stupid. It needs context and shading and depth, at least for me.
And I hate religion.

"Someone tell her, someone get her up!"
"Left foot, right foot, just the way we showed you."

It's late, I should make the choice to sleep or be brilliant.
A shot of Baileys would be nice.
shadowbird: (tea)
"got our first bar trip all planned out. you won't be able to find the floor at the end of the night."

can we say AMEN. I need a drink.
I bought shirts yesterday. they are cute. I'd offer pics but we all know how bad I am about that whole concept, so never mind. one is an orange tshirt and one is a black buttondown trendy shirt.
my hair is clean and i'm contemplating the dye store tomorrow.
I've read over nine hundred pages in English this weekend and have not touched the commentaire that may be due at five p.m. tomorrow. Ooops.
i can't decide what needs to be eaten. . .oh, i should finish the bread.
I feel like shooting pool. nevermind that i don't know how.
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shadowbird: (thinking)
I find it interesting and confusing that I create internal conflict by imagining situations that are highly unlikely to happen and getting really really upset about them. It bothers me.

Today's Cat and Girl ( is for Lady J. Meshes of an Afternoon, yo!
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shadowbird: (tori)
~Bleeding. Coping with that. OWWW. If you talk to me you may hear me whine about it. Ouch ouch ouch.
~Everyone in the world should see Fauteuils d'orchestre. Because it's light and sweet and beautiful. And if Cécile de France is gay, someone give her my number, please. I would marry her. She's. . .I just want to cuddle her and kiss her and spoil her and worship the ground she walks on and have crazy amounts of sex. Forever.
~Going through some old emails, I realize: Once upon a time I was a really really good girlfriend. This gives me hope for the future.
~Things of the good: big snuggly blankets, beautiful weather, women singers, Cunt, good friends like Mademoiselle Liz, whole-grain bread, chai, and brownies.
shadowbird: (Default)
I crashed. Terribly sorry. Although last night this post would have been melodramatic to the nth degree. Sleep is good.
Girl trouble. . .feel free to skip )
In other news, today I will attempt to find Asian food. Miso, ramen, nori, soy sauce. . .all shall be mine. Ooooooooh. . . stirfry! Tofu and veggies. Tastiness. Yay Asian market that is supposedly on the next street. If Asian food is impossible, we are saying to hell with the normal meal structure and picking out food that I can eat. Ceral, meat, cheese, chips, apples. . .anything I can actually be motivated to eat would be good.
Then cleaning the house, sorting out homework, and budgeting.

Yay Spring Break. Good time to sort things out.
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shadowbird: (Default)

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