shadowbird: (other destinations)
It's Samhain, and I'm not feeling super great, so I may not manage a big ritual this weekend. This is my virtual offering to some of my beloved dead:

To my grandfather Cy, caramels, songs sung off-key, and the biggest hugs in the world.
To my grandmother Mabel, a slice of blackberry pie and late night summer drives listening to Patsy Cline.
To Aunt Janice and Aunt Kathy, endless cups of coffee and hands of cards.
To my grandfather Jim, grilled cheese sandwiches and fishing trips.
To Jen, cake, pink nail polish, and happily ever after.
To Charlie , fry bread, sage smoke, good music, and grace.
To Nikki, an ice cream soda and a really good story.
To Aunt Anne, a lemon bar and an unintentionally dirty joke.
To Puck, a glass of wine and a surprise recitation of Shakespeare.
To the pets: Lucy, Nigel, Joshua, Latte, Licorice, Ginger, Woody, and Tommy, all the snuggles in the world.

To all the lost, to all departed, you are mourned. You are missed. You are not forgotten.

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shadowbird: (mixed up)
I'm not at church this morning. As much as I love the community at herchurch , the spirituality is just not speaking to me these days. Calling the Divine "She" is just not the most important part of religious experience for me. Also, in my experience, there's just not a Divine One. There's the Divine One I'm  talking to at the moment, sure, but I am a hard polytheist. That's my experienced truth, and I'm sticking with it. Every time I try to work in an assumed singularity of the divine, I just get to a point where I feel like I'm lying, and lying in your spiritual practice is a damn fine way to get your ass kicked.

I'm frustrated by the lack of something like Grailwood out here. It was what I needed, and I still need it. It's hard to do all this on my own.

Maybe it's time to go back to "everything is devotional". That worked for a while. Part of my problem with herchurch is what feels, to me, like a lack of the ecstatic, the ferocious, the fecund and the fierce. I can live that without a group, for now.
shadowbird: (jeunesse)
  • Moved! Again! Still in SF, and here's hoping I can stay settled for awhile, because I threw out some boxes. That marks the 14th time in eight years. Far too much. The room is still a mess, but Nimbus and I are getting settled in. It's really cute and relaxed here, and there's not much in the way of expectations between the flatmates. It's been restorative.
  • FoGCon was delightful! I made a lot of new acquaintances, had a lovely time with Mr. K. and his wife, and got my arm signed by Cathrynne Valente. Both panels I was on went very well, I got to wear the shiny red pants, and even got asked on a date. (It'll be Friday.) I was asked to come back and be on panels again next year, which is always a good feeling.
  • One of my friends had a really bad week last week. I did a lot of caretaking. It was kinda heavy, but it seems like things are more evened out for them now.
  • Haven't gotten anything new written, although a few poems are percolating. One about the apartment I lived in in France that should be good if I can get it out. I'm kicking around ways to revamp The Abbey if I take Kit out of it, we'll see how that goes.
  • I'm revamping what a personal practice needs to look like for me. I am a hard polytheist, and I need to own that at this point. Debating how church fits into that. It'll be an interesting direction meeting this week, for sure. I'm also going back through some of my Grailwood notes and materials. Kind of angry that it feels like I'm always in flux with this as with so many other things.
  • I'm turning thirty next week. Working out how I feel about that. I wish I'd created some more permanence by now, but I guess I'm basing the whole idea on what my parents were doing at thirty, and look how most of that turned out.
  • I'd really like a primary relationship in my life at this point. I'm a bit worn down by always being the secondary, even though I have lovely partners. I want someone to do those everyday things with. This might be helped by finding a partner with less of a commute and more of a compatible schedule, too.
  • Work's going pretty well, thankfully. We had one of our remote team members in town for the last 2 weeks, which was super fun.
  • I emailed Dad for his birthday, and he emailed back. Progress!
  • Been catching up on stupid adult things, a bit. I have a consult for surgery next month, so hopefully that ball can start rolling, and I'm working on financial planning and transferring my ID to California and all that jazz.
I think that's all the news here. How's by you?

shadowbird: (cleo)
In the last since whenever, I have:
  • Moved happily into Watson & Watson Headquarters, home of Team Shiny.
  • Broken up with someone.
  • Given up a few schemes.
  • Made a new friend.
  • Done a bunch of tarot readings.
  • Looked for a new job, without success. 
  • Tombé amoureux d'un Poète russe.
  • Continued in my Pagan studies, landing the lead role in a play about Rhiannon.
  • Watched the first season of Downton Abbey.
  • Remained reasonably healthy.
How's by all y'all?

shadowbird: (Default)
Tonight I went to a coven Midsummer celebration. It was a great group of people, moving and wonderful and just a perfect fit. I'm thrilled!
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shadowbird: (Default)
Haven't posted in a while, so here's the skinny.
--Moving back to NYC next week, staying with friends and then moving into my own place and bringing Nimbus down.
--Cadence and I are taking a break, sorta. 
--Working on the job situation.
--Working on finding UUs and pagans I mesh with in the city.
--Meeting up with Someone on the 4th, which should be interesting.
Off to the Quaker retreat for the weekend, see you all Tuesday! Have great weekends and stay safe.
shadowbird: (Default)
We've had a good day so far. It started out rocky, because we woke up at 8:15 realizing that no one had woken us up at four. This would have been A Cause for Much Rejoicing, except that our alarm clock is one small fuzzy gray monster named Nimbus, and it's not like him to shirk! We realized he hadn't touched his food or water all night, which triggered a search and rescue party. A quick look through the house had us in a panic, because our very vocal baby wasn't making a sound, and after opening every room, closet, and cupboard we still hadn't uncovered him. We began to fear the worst. Cadence and her dad made two separate checks of the porches and the basement with no luck. Nearly in tears, I walked out onto the porch and called him while shaking the bag of treats. He began to mew piteously--our poor baby had gotten outside and hidden under the porch at around midnight when Cadence set the trash out! He'd squeezed himself under the porch and couldn't find his way back out. The power drill made quick work of removing a section of lattice, and we carried him inside and fixed him warm food and gave him lots of love. He's completely fine, but it was a hell of a scare!

Swinging so quickly from terrified to joyful gave me a jolt back into the meaning of the equinox. We strive to achieve balance in activity and rest, in joy and sorrow, in courage and fear. We preach moderation and abstinence. I was reminded how important it is to balance all things, to remember gratitude for what we have, and not just focus on what we lack. I needed that reminder.
We went out for coffee and desserts because Dad's birthday is tomorrow and mine is on Thursday. I got a really yummy red velvet cupcake. I forgot to check in on Foursquare, which I'd like to start doing more of to give a little boost to local businesses I like. Hopefully when we move I can be more mindful about that. Then we went to the Dreaming Goddess, which is a metaphysical shop here in Poughkeepsie (again, meant to check in but am not in the habit yet!) and Mom got me a zodiac wheel sticker that I am  using to decorate the Cr-48. (Yes, I got a Cr-48 from Google's pilot program!! It's amazing and I adore it.) I also picked up a magical almanac for the year (one of the Llewellyn ones), which was on sale and which I'm hoping to incorporate into my mindfulness goal by using it to be more aware of things like the moon phase and sign for each day.
Speaking of mindfulness, I am working more of that into my daily spiritual practices as well. I exercise every morning at the same time that I pull my tarot card for the day, consciously trying to bring together physical and spiritual mindfulness. I have also (re)started making a checklist every morning of the things I want to get done each day. It's been helpful, in part because we won't have a real daily schedule until we move.
Speaking of moving, we are well on our way! Our final approval for the apartment we've decided on should come through by Monday, and we'll be moving on April 1st! Hopefully we'll have jobs lined up by then or shortly thereafter. I'm quite pleased. I love my in-laws, and they've been absolutely wonderful, but it has been a bit draining to be here so long and it'll be good to have our own space again.
As I have been doing, I also crafted a list of goals for the season, and here they are: 
1. Finish moving to Massachusetts. 
2. Find and maintain gainful employment. 
3. Choose and begin the next writing project.
4. Get the cat neutered.
5. Set up an altar and working space in the new apartment. 
6. Begin a t'ai chi class, or at least regular practice. 
7. Plan the wedding!
That's all for now. How's by you?
shadowbird: (Default)
For the new year, I decided to make seasonal goals. The first set of goals extends until the Spring Equinox. I have accomplished two of them so far! This week!

  1.  Move to Massachusetts. This is literally half-done, as we have moved our things but not ourselves.
  2.  Get a job in Massachusetts. Still looking. And hoping.
  3.  Submit a poem for publication somewhere.
  4.  Figure out what spiritual path I'm supposed to be following.
Goals three and four? Yeah. I did those in the past five days.
OHAI, I am a rockstar.

That is all.

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shadowbird: (jeunesse)
  • I am doing better than I was last week.
  • I am getting a kitty on Thursday!!! KITTY!
  • I am doing NaNoWriMo this year--1,826 words so far.
  • Cadence and I did really lovely things for Samhain yesterday.
  • It is warm-clothes-weather.
  • We baked sugar cookies!
  • I have faith in November, this year.
  • I am making plans.
shadowbird: (other destinations)
I've fired up my interest in Paganism again, and with that renewed fire comes an interesting revelation. I realized that as soon as I get more interested in one thing (spirituality, for example),I have a renewed interest in EVERYTHING I like. I've spent this weekend meditating, singing, reading about religions, installing Ubuntu, and updating career plans and goals.

It's neat, that's all.
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shadowbird: (Default)
Celebrating Samhain tomorrow, 'cause I can, and because working on the actual 31st-1st is sometimes a little heavy. So if I'm only on sporadically, it's 'cause I'm working. At the end of it all my house will be clean, my homework will be done, and my mind will be clear. (We hope.) Happy New Year.

I offer a public apology to all that I have hurt in the past year, and offer a public forgiveness to all that have hurt me. Let us move forward in peace.
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